I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
