Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
