Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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