OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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