His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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