is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
