If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
