he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
