I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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