Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
