john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
