Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
