i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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