Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
