Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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