I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
