I look better un-naked...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize