put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
