i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
