Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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