The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
