The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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