All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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