he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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