Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize