Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
