I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
