Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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