If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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