so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
