I faked an abortion last night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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