there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
