YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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