11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize