every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
that may or may not have been my penis.
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