Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
