did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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