38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
