new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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