pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
