Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
