peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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