My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
