What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
