We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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