remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
