my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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