My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
