just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
