I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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