The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
