The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
