She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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