she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
