She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Boobs are out for the taking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
