Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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