so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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