I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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