omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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