Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
