I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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