come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
