I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
