Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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