You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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