walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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