I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
