I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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