and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
