By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
