I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
