He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
