I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
