Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
