The maid of honor just puked.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
