I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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