you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
