8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
