i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
