ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
