so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
there is glitter all over my balls
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
