Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
