Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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