Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
