So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
