so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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