but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
