I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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