You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
