R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
