I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do vagina's smell?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
