I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
