Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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