I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
