I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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