I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
