So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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