Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Damn victory sex feels great
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