My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
