haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
