Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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