i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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