Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
