The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
where are you?
Hypothermia
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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