This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
