i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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